One Hundred and Twenty One Days, Too many.

Dear Nate,

I started this letter a week before your memorial service. Four months have gone by, and I am still not certain that I can gather all my thoughts and memories into this one letter. 

I remember the first time we met. Simple introductions, and a simple remark about how similar the names Reesa and Meesa are. It was not at this instance that I discovered the Nate I would come to enjoy so much in the following years. Rather, it was the night of Justin's 24th birthday dinner at Benihana. Justin brought me to the house and let me know that we would be going to dinner that night. I remember asking Justin if he was sure I could come along. In his attempt to prove that I had asked a stupid question, he asked in his most sarcastic tone, "Meesa wants to know if she is allowed to come to dinner." As you stood over the counter, you smiled and in your typical sarcastic tone you responded, "No. She can't come." It was at this moment that I was introduced to Nate, who always enjoyed giving me a hard time.

From the very beginning, you welcomed me into your home, your family and into your life. You enjoyed telling me about Justin. Baby Justin, video-game crazed Justin, high school Justin, adult Justin. I heard it all. It was through you that I came to know Justin, in the past, present and what you hoped for in the future. You told me about Justin's ex-girlfriends, regardless of whether I wanted to hear it or not. We spent countless hours talking about your childhood, how you met Reesa, your experiences, family members but not once did you bring up how much pain you were in.

When Justin moved to Santa Barbara, I felt unbelievably lost. But the year we were apart flew by because even without him nearby, I had you and Reesa. I would drop by in the middle of the week, and every single time, I was welcomed by you rolling your eyes, laughing and saying "Oh great. What do you want?" You never missed out on a chance to give me a tough time, and I miss this immensely. 

Nate, you are my hero! Not only because you lived such a courageous life, but because you were always there for me. With forty-five fishes in one tank, I was bound to have dead fish. The first time my fish died, I reluctantly called Justin. He would yell at me to scoop it out, and I would whine and cry. After ten minutes of my refusal, Justin threatened to call you. Believe it or not, this was a frightening threat. I knew that if Justin called you, I would never be able to live it down. I attempted once more to do it myself but again, I failed. Ten minutes later, you were at my door. Every time a fish died, you saved me. Thank you. I had a rough patch with my dad, and you provided me with support and advice. Unlike the advice of others, yours was reasonable, and you really made me think. You often stuck up for my dad saying that if you had a daughter, you would be no different. 

I have always known that you had complete faith in Justin and I. You always talked about the future, especially ours. If Justin and I lived together, you promised me the brand new vacuum (which you ended up selling to your aunt). You made me promise that when Justin and I became successful, we would take care of you. You always included me. To you, it wasn't just Justin, it was me too. Thank you.

My college graduation fell during a time when you were in poor health. It was 100+ degrees outside, it required a long walk from the parking lot, and you would spend two hours waiting for my two seconds of fame. Yet you sat in the heat and you walked to the ceremony site despite how tired and sick you were. THANK YOU.

I sometimes forget that you are gone. Driving to Riverside, and walking through the doors, I often forget and look for you on the couch. I only had three years to get to know you. But in those three short years, you and I did not waste time. We made the most of every gathering, and every conversation. You were there unconditionally for me, and everyone else you knew. You took my side and often changed Justin's mind about things. Even convincing him to do things he did not want to do. 

I miss the debates between you and Justin. Always trying to prove each other wrong. Even with disagreements, I know now more than ever, how much you and Justin had in common. I see Justin everyday, and every so often, I see a glimpse of you in the things he does and without a doubt, in the things he says. Life has not been the same since you left. And knowing that you have impacted my life this much, makes me admire the strength of everyone in your family; for I know you have made an even greater impact on their lives. 

Thank you for your kindness.

Thank you for your advice.

Thank you for being a second dad to me.

Thank you for all your time.

Thank you for the comforting words, "Call me if you need anything" before leaving me at any point. 

Thank you for dancing with me because Justin wouldn't. 

You are greatly missed. 

Love,

Meesa